You Don’t Have to Feel Like a Sex Goddess to be Sexually Empowered.

Photo by Barış Selcen on Unsplash

I see their beautiful bodies shaking and bouncing and moving with ease. Dancing like they’re pouring from the overflow of their sensual energy. Small bodies, soft bodies, strong bodies, big bodies. Glorious creatures, so mesmerizing. So different from myself. I’m captivated, like an alien watching a different species- the sex goddess.

I’ve only given one proper lap dance in my life. It was during the peak of my infertility treatments. My partner and I were trying to conceive and the sexual connection between us was waining. Month after month ended in another negative pregnancy test and mounting disappointment. I was pulling out all the tricks and doing my best to channel that “sex goddess” energy.

Ever the eager student, I googled “How To Give A Lap Dance.” You know, as you do. As luck would have it, I found an erotic dancer on YouTube who was creating video tutorials. I studied her moves and practiced with the door shut. I wore heals and lingerie and lipstick. I don’t like high heals. They hurt my feet. I don’t like lingerie, it’s too tight and scratchy. I’m the person who cuts the collars off of my oversized t-shirts. If it has wrist or ankle elastic, it’s getting the scissors. Even the toe seams on socks bother me. But I was committed and ready to perform so I packed myself into the itchy, stringy…